THE ALT.MEGA-EGO.YONDERBOY MANIFESTO! GRRRRRRR! 1.0.0.0.0.0.A!

From: asuter@netcom.com (Lupus Yonderboy)
Date: Mon, 6 Nov 1995 00:29:45 GMT
Organization: BATCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261-4700 guest)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

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   ALT.MEGA-EGO.YONDERBOY MANIFESTO! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! 1.0.0.0.0.0.A!
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Whereas, there's this newsgroup.

Whereas, this newsgroup has a name.

Whereas, having a name, and being named, the name of the newsgroup is
	alt.mega-ego.yonderboy.

Whereas, I sometimes go by the name of Yonderboy.

Whereas, the newgroup message mentioned me by name.

I CLAIM THIS NEWSGROUP FOR THE CITIZENS OF EARTH!

					yOURS ETC,
					lUPUS yONDERBOY
					ceo pANTHER mODERNS

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Index to the Alt.Mega-Ego.Yonderboy Manifesto
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0.0	And yay, they did newgroup a newsgroup.
1.0	And yay, it had a name.
2.0	And yay, having a name it is therefor named.
3.0	And yay, how about if I yell, "yay" and then everyone else builds
	a pyrimid and holds up signs that say, "GO TEAM," and then I catch
	every single person as they fall off of the pyrimid and then I do
	a backflip while juggling?
4.0	Sounds good to me.
5.0	Do you usually talk to yourself?
6.0	Let's get right to business.
7.0	The Business.
8.0	The Pleasure.
9.0	The Business or Pleasure?
10.0	Pinkness.
11.0	Greyness.
12.0	On Manifestos.
13.0	On Everything.
14.0	On Rye, hold the mayo.
15.0	Was that a typo?
16.0	Why didn't you go back and fix it?
17.0	Who do you think you are?
18.0	The "Freshness" Question.
19.0	Spot.
20.0	My school can beat up your school.
21.0	My computer is faster than yours.
22.0	My ego is larger than yours.
23.0	My eggo is also larger than yours.
24.0	Just how big is the ego? Roughly.
25.0	LEGO OF MY EGGO!
26.0	The food of choice?
27.0	Acronyms.
28.0	Powers of Two.
29.0	Hexidecimal or Octal?
30.0	Coke or Pepsi?
31.0	McDonalds or Burger King?
32.0	The Hegelian Dialectic or Camus', "Concept of the Other."

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                            THE MANIFESTO
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0.0	And yay, they did newgroup a newsgroup.

They sure did. My goodness gracious. I would like to thank all the little
people that made this possible: The Smurfs, Gary Coleman, Spud Webb, and
all of my friends on Lilliput. I'll never forget you.

1.0	And yay, it had a name.

You have to have a name, otherwise you have nothing. Really.

2.0	And yay, having a name it is therefor named.

See one point zero for more information on this. Without a name, there is
nothing there, so the name is important. It's not really important what the
name is (What's in a name? A nose by any other name would spell as sweet),
but it is important that there be a name. Fortunately for everyone concerned,
there is one. 

The name is Alt.Mega-Ego.Yonderboy (A.M-E.Y). This is a neato burrito 
mosquito name for several reasons.

	1) It's in the, "Alt.*" Hierarchy. I believe it was Joel Furr who
	called alt the, "Sewer of USENET". If it wasn't him then it should
	have been.
	2) The acronym is neat.
	3) The "Mega-Ego" Hierarchy, while currently underutilized, has great
	growth potential.
	4) The last bit, "Yonderboy", is cool.
	5) Less filling AND tastes great.

3.0	And yay, how about if I yell, "yay" and then everyone else builds
	a pyrimid and holds up signs that say, "GO TEAM," and then I catch
	every single person as they fall off of the pyrimid and then I do
	a backflip while juggling?

Um, are you sure you aren't overextending yourself?

4.0	Sounds good to me.

If you say so.

5.0	Do you usually talk to yourself?

Yes. I'm the only one who always listens.

6.0	Let's get right to business.

OKAY!

7.0	The Business.

The Business of Alt.Mega-Ego.Yonderboy is threefold:

	Fold Number One: Stories about stuff.
	Fold Number Two: Talking about other stuff.
	Fold Number Three: Thinking about all that stuff, and stuffing it.
	Fold Number Four: I lied. There are four folds.

THERE IS NO FIFTH FOLD. NONE. ZIPPO. THE PINHEAD. STOP LOOKING AT ME.

8.0	The Pleasure.

The Pleasure angle is only one-fold:

	Fold Number One: "I have a message for all the kids out there. Hey
	                  kids."
	Fold Number Two: Maybe it's really two-fold. Who knows? Not me.

9.0	The Business or Pleasure?

Yes.

10.0	Pinkness.

PINKNESS (gerund) 1. The state of something being pink. (You're in the ~)
                  2. Relating to the smallest finger on either hand. (He 
                     jabbed me with his ~!)
                  ant. greyness.

Fear Pinkness. That is all.

11.0	Greyness.

GREYNESS (gerund) 1. The state of something being grey. (You're in the ~)
                  2. Relating to the thumb. (Go suck your own ~)
                  ant. greyness.

Fear Greyness. That is all.

12.0	On Manifestos.

Silly, aren't they?

13.0	On Everything.

How could you put something on everything? It would have to be just HUGE!
I mean, you think that the American Plains States are big, but to put 
something on everything you'd have to have an awful lot of stuff. That's
all I'm trying to say. However, I bet you could get it at CostCo.

14.0	On Rye, hold the mayo.

Would you like fries with that?

15.0	Was that a typo?

Probably.

16.0	Why didn't you go back and fix it?

Too lazy.

17.0	Who do you think you are?

I think I'm me. Who do you think I am?

18.0	The "Freshness" Question.

Most everything has to be fresh and full of life for it to be interesting.
This is not an opinion but a SCIENTIFIC FACT! WHAT WE ARE SEARCHING FOR IS
SCIENTIFIC FACTS!

19.0	Spot.

Is allowed.

20.0	My school can beat up your school.

Maybe.

21.0	My computer is faster than yours.

NO IT ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lupus Yonderboy uses a massively parallel network of used Nintendo Gameboys 
for all of his computing needs. A home brew kludge of spare parts and 6501
chips, Mr. Yonderboy's network is quite possibly smarter than he is. The main
argument if favor of this theory is that it breaks down with such regularity
that Mr. Yonderboy is often forced to play team sports and/or read 
non-computer related items.

Begun by Yonderboy's father, Gerald Yonderboy, at 3:11 p.m. on August 23, 
1959 the network began as a machine to assist in the production of donuts.
After problems arose relating to lost jewelry within the machine it sat
dormant for well over three weeks.

Bought by Johnathan F. Kennedy, it served time as a coat-rack, a pool
table, and a lump of metal in the back room. It was then sold to his
roommate, who left it on the side of the road.

Picked up by a young truck driver six days later, it became a large part
of the transmission for an 1942 Ford Truck that went on to win three
best of shows and one best in county awards before the judges realized the
car could not, in fact, move under it's own power.

The transmission was sold to an extended family coming back from 
California to Oklahoma. They left it in front of their new farmhouse
for twenty one years.

Lupus Yonderboy, passing through Oklahoma saw the truck and bought it
immediately. He had it towed to a near-by gas station, where he replaced
the engine, putting the old transmission in the back. He then drove
across country three times before settling in San Francisco, California.

Lupus Yonderboy's landlord is not happy about the rooms dedicated solely
to the Massively Parallel Nintendo Gameboy Network, especially since the
network itself frequently causes electrical power surges within the entire 
apartment complex, and on difficult problems, the entire city.

The CEO of Pacific Gas and Electric, Jiles Hendrixson, had this to say
about Mr. Yonderboy's computer system, "Just shut up about it. Shut up.
And don't call here no more."

Mr. Yonderboy's father was unavailable for comment.

22.0	My ego is larger than yours.

Jesus! Are you sure?

23.0	My eggo is also larger than yours.

So what?

24.0	Just how big is the ego? Roughly.

Current estimates all feature the word, "Montana".

25.0	LEGO OF MY EGGO!

OKAY ALREADY! Chill out dude!

26.0	The food of choice?

Orange Mint Tic-Tacs(R).

27.0	Acronyms.

Go ahead. IHJNHIJLS,"IYKWIM,AITYD."

28.0	Powers of Two.

0 2 4 8 16 32 64 128 256 512 1024 2048 4096 819something.. the rest are
left as an exorcism for the reader.

29.0	Hexidecimal or Octal?

Hexidecimal.

30.0	Coke or Pepsi?

Pepsi.

31.0	McDonalds or Burger King?

McDonalds.

32.0	The Hegelian Dialectic or Camus', "Concept of the Other."

The ladder.

AND THUS ENDS THE ALT.MEGA-EGO.YONDERBOY MANIFESTO. IF YOU'RE NICE I'LL
GIVE YOU A GOLD STAR! IF YOU'RE NOT NICE YOU GET A BOOT TO THE HEAD!

eND tRANSMISSION

--
Lupus Yonderboy. -------------------===============> asuter@mentos.com
=================================-*-==================================
 "most of the time i just make it up as i go along." -- e.e. cummings