Re: FATHERS MANIFESTO

From: anonymous (noone@nowhere.com)
Date: Sat, 26 Aug 1995 00:58:12 GMT

It is wonderful that men want to claim their right to be involved in
their families.  Human rights relies on men also have rights, and not
being stuck in rigid roles anymore.  Remember, we are not stereotypes!
The "Fathers Manifesto" claims that women are using men to give them
babies and money, and denying men their rights as fathers and husbands.
I am a feminist woman.  I have not done this.  I am not going to have
children until and unless I can find a man with whom I can have a
stable, permanent, loving and happy relationship: one who also wants
kids as much as i do, and wants to have them with me.  I will not have
them until we have the resources to support them properly, and we have
spent enough time together that i know this will last.  Many of the
men that i meet, want to use me.  Heck, they will even claim that they
want to get married and have kids, just so they can get me in the sack.
Married men will try to deceive me, so that they can cheat on their
wives.  Young men may say they love me, but they're "not ready" for a
family.

I know a man who is a leader in the "Father's Rights" movement.  He lost
most of his friends - male and female - because of his behavior towards
the mother of his child.  The situation is very sad.  I don't know a
lot about what happened in their relationship, but expect it was a two
way street.  He likes to present it as if he did nothing wrong, and
she did everything wrong.  Until he can accept responsibility for his
role in the problems, i can't see how they can resolve them.

This man once told me that he needed a woman, and told me that i was
on the list of possibilities.  He had made the same offer to another
woman (one whom i don't respect).  I felt as if i were being interviewed
for a job.  He presented his finances, as if that were the main issue
that i would be concerned about.  At the time, he was still very much
emotionally tied up in the absence of his son.  I didn't feel there
was any possibility that he and i could have a healthy sexual relation-
ship under the circumstances, even if i were willing to be treated as
a baby factory.

I very much would like to have children, but with this man i feel too
strongly the possibility that if we had a child together, he would try
to take the child away from me, to make up for the child that he has
lost due to his previous failed relationship.  His attitude is preventing
him from going on with his life!!!

It is tragic that children end up being used as weapons by couples in
their wars against each other.  Why this war between the sexes?!!?!
It is crazy!

I like the man that i am talking about very much.  Many of his friends
still care for him, but don't feel that they can be in contact with him
any longer.  I don't know what it will take for him to come to peace.
I don't know what it will take for me to ever find a mate, or to have
children.  I do know, that as long as he maintains his combatitive
attitude towards the mother of his first child, that i could never have
a child with him.  It is only too clear that he would not be able to
maintain another relationship under those circumstances.  I also don't
feel that i would have the unique relationship to him that i think is
necessary for a mated pair.  Perhaps, he would have that attitude
towards another woman.  But, the way that he originally interviewed me
to be his girlfriend, it was as if i were an interchangable woman unit.