THE INFERIOR MANIFESTO OF USENET

From: asdamick@unity.ncsu.edu (The BOB(c))
Date: 22 Jul 1995 21:36:39 GMT
Organization: USENET Imperial Capital
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Good Gentles of USENET, as I have been proclaimed Inferior of USENET 
(http://www4.ncsu.edu/brevity/groundhogs/a/asdamick/www/inferior.html), 
I do hereby give to you the Manifesto of my plans for the Empire.


On the most essential level, the Empire of USENET shall not seek to have 
a clue about anything in particular.  In fact, this is mostly just a 
source of annoyance.  Most of the people who ask for lands and titles 
have them already, whether We tell them they can or not.

In order to keep the Empire repentant, We shall disorganize Our foolishness 
into Levity, Stupidity, and Parody.  The recipients of any lands or 
title may place the honor(s) in his or her .signature, and is in fact 
encouraged to do so.  The truth is, though, that we don't really give a 
whiff.



LEVITY

If it's not funny, it shall be officially proclaimed "Not Funny," and the 
offender, whether noble or serf, shall be placed in the USENET stocks to 
listen to Tony Danza read his autobiography on tape.  The formal address for 
these persons shall be "You Not Funny Yutz."


STUPIDITY

If a thing is stupid, it shall immediately be attributed to AOL or 
September, whether it is actually from AOL or September or not.  The 
offender shall immediately be placed under the direct supervision of 
Sinead O'Connor, where he shall listen to the lyric "It's been 7 hours 
and 16 days/since you took your soap away" at least 30 times.  


PARODIES

Parodies shall be encouraged within the Empire, as shall Spoofs of 
various sorts.  Remember, Parody is the Spice of Life.  If anyone 
criticises these parodies, they shall be sentenced to alt.cuddle for the 
rest of their natural lives.


KNIGHTHOODS

If someone thinks he/she is a knight, that person shall be placed in a 
small, padded room with a copy of Grover's "The Monster at the End of 
this Book" (I did not make that one up).  He/she will have to read it and 
think about what they did wrong, whilst getting something with which 
their parents may beat them.


LORDSHIPS

Anyone who thinks that he/she should be Lord of anything...is welcome to 
it.  This place is so full of CyberPorn, it's not worth ruling, anyhow.


OTHER TITLES

You're gonna make 'em up, anyhow, so who CARES!  Let Us retire to 
alt.religion.apathy.


OUR DECLARATIONS OF TITLES AND LANDS ON THIS DATE


We have not yet finished Our rewarding of USENET for her service to the 
Empire, but shall speak with you again at such time as We see fit to 
declare more titles and lands, which will probably be never.  After all, 
there's no real point to anything (IZZY!!  Stop aliasing me to 
alt.religion.apathy!).

Meanwhile, the unclaimed Kingdoms and titles shall be contested.  In 
whatever way you desire, prove your nobility and the Empire and Kingdoms 
shall recognize those whom We see fit to rule Our lands, choosing among 
only the best-looking babes.  That's life, guys.  We like 'em cute. 


Further declarations are highly unlikely, as We have recently found 
Ourselves being plagued with mailbombs which explode when We pull at the 
little bow on top.  Don't worry, though, folks.  It's not contagious, 
unless you live in Oklahoma City.


His Inferior Majesty The BOB(c), Emperor of LUDESNET



http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/users/a/asdamick/www/