The BOB(c)MANIFESTO

From: asdamick@unity.ncsu.edu (The BOB(c))
Date: 9 Jun 1995 22:34:29 GMT
Organization: Club BOB(c)
X-Url: http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/users/a/asdamick/www/
X-Grep-Fodder: kibo bob fnord spam flame troll


What is The BOB(c) doing on USENET?

**************************************************************************
******************* T H E  B O B (c) M A N I F E S T O *******************
**************************************************************************


The BOB(c) is here to help the culturally needy. By reading what he writes 
and by listening to his words, USENET will become a more enlightened and 
beautiful place, approacing the Utopia it so eagerly awaits.


How will this be accomplished?

1. alt.fan.the-bob 

As a center from which to base his crossposted truth, The BOB(c) 
will spread his words throughout USENET, craftily weaving 
philosophic commentary with poetry and random .signatures. The 
newsgroup houses some of the greatest minds on USENET, and it will 
become the Olympus to which all will aspire and to which many will 
gather. If your site does not carry this essential newsgroup, ask your
newsadmin for it now.

2. Poetry

All the greatest minds of literary past were poets to some degree, 
and The BOB(c) is no exception. His poetry speaks of his heart, a 
brave and dynamic combination of steel and roses. The Sonnet will be 
recognized as a nearly revered art form.         

3. Random .signatures

It is required that all of The BOB(c)'s cohorts employ a large arsenal of 
.signatures on USENET. This follows the philosophy of variety that 
pervades BOB(c)PHILOSOPHY. The rando-sig script is included in this document.

4. Cafe BOB(c), location of the USENET Subplot.

Because The BOB(c) is the USENET Subplot, it is necessary to further his 
teachings and writings by making references to him in random posts, 
causing the populace to think about him and wonder exactly who The BOB(c) 
is and how they can thank him for that help he gave them with their 
workbench problem. Those who make these references are likely to be 
recognized by The BOB(c) and invited to join him in alt.fan.the-bob, 
where all discussion is relevant and all discussion is intelligent.


The BOB(c) is essentially a benevolent entity who wishes only to better 
the lives of USENET, helping them to see the eloquence that is within 
them. If you would be a giant of the USENET intelligentsia, then you must 
join alt.fan.the-bob or request it of your newsadmin so that you can take 
part in the jaunting quest.

To learn more about The BOB(c) himself, read the BOB(c)FAQ, written by 
wednesday@tezcat.com and included in this document.



T h e  B O B ( c )  - -  f r e q u e n t l y  a s k e d  q u e s t i o n s
- - - - - - -c o m p i l e d  b y  w e d n e s d a y @ t e z c a t . c o m

1.0. Wednesday, What Are You Doing?

I'm writing the FAQ on The BOB(c), aka Andrew S. Damick, so that people 
will stop asking the same questions OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER and
OVER and OVER and ...

1.0.1. But Really, What's The Point?

The point is, we have here a fellow who's managed to acquire some level of
net.notoriety (net.infamy?) very rapidly, and who still manages to raise
the -same- questions over, and over, and over, and over, and over...

1.0.1.1. I Take It People Keep Asking The Same Questions, Then?

Yeah.

1.0.2. Wait. What are YOU doing writing this?

I volunteered. 
Wednesday felt that this would provide an at least somewhat useful
service to the USENET. This is not an ego-boosting effort so much as
an attempt do deal effectively with too much bandwidth on the same 
matters. 

Wednesday notes that she writes this outside of her capacity as FAQ
maintainer for any other newsgroup, and requests that any flames 
for keeping this alongside the FAQ for alt.abuse.transcendence or 
anywhere else be kept in /dev/null. Thank you.

- - - 

1.1. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Who IS This Guy??

Andrew Stephen Damick. asdamick@unity.ncsu.edu. 
Known in various spheres of the planet as The BOB(c), Damick, Andy,
Eldaran, and a number of other names not worth repeating.

1.1.1. I knew that. I wanted to know more about HIM. 

Well, his own brief biographical spiel, available via WWW at 
http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/users/a/asdamick/www/bio.html, holds a
great deal of this:

   My full name is Andrew Stephen Damick. I am a student at North
   Carolina State University, majoring in Communication with a Theatre
   concentration. I was born in Newport News, Virginia, to a Navy family.
   We moved around many times, until my father finished with the Navy,
   and joined Trans World Radio, the world's largest Christian radio
   organization. We moved to Guam eventually, to serve at TWR's site
   there. After 5 years on Guam, we moved back to the States to
   Mansfield, Ohio. We lived there for 3 years, and then moved to the
   Raleigh, North Carolina area, where my father works at TWR's
   International Headquarters. I am currently employed as a techie (one
   of the people in black) at Stewart Theatre at NCSU. I also write a
   weekly column entitled "Netcetera" for Technician (NCSU's newspaper)
   in their et cetera section. 

1.1.1.1. That's nice. But I wanted to know who he WAS, not a whole lot of
details about where he lived and stuff.

Oh, you want the -GOOD- stuff. Hokaymon.

He's a poet who lives for theatre. He's a philosophe, not a philosopher.
He wears a black trenchcoat and a fedora. He holds evangelical Protestantism
near and dear. He speaks brashly and boldly, not caring who hates him for
it. He believes in the individual at all costs. He loves the sound of
thunderstorms. He adores Shakespeare, Sondheim and Hugo. 

He's relocated often and learned to adjust by not shrinking violetlike
into the wallpaper -- quite the opposite. His ego is bigger than "Jesse
Garon's." He feels with passion and bounces back from the lashes it
brings. He says "neber minden" a lot.

He believes in the power of DOIDY DOIDY DOIDY. <Just trust me.> He 
trolls almost to his downfall. He seeks to honor Kibo, though not in
the ways that have gone before. He evokes a consistent reaction of "Does
he ever LEAVE the LAB?" from his fellow students. He is the Bane of
Neu Neu Topia, and quests for Greatness.

He learns from his mistakes, and does not apologize for that which he
has not wronged.

He loves with bright hope and rides the crashing waves into tight words.

And sometimes he runs into things he didn't quite expect. But then, we 
all do.

- - - 

1.2. Okay, that's a little better. Now tell me about this BOB(c) 
business. 

The BOB(c) is his office, not his name (though he attributes the status
of "fictional character" to this net.presence). He is the Leader of 
Club BOB(c), a non-profit organization devoted to theatre and the arts.
(Information on Club BOB(c) itself can be had by reading the Club BOB(c)
FAQ, available on rtfm.mit.edu and posted regularly to alt.fan.the-bob
and its various counterparts.)

The name/title originates with Damick's fascination with the name 
"Bob," "saying that it had a peculiar property of no connotations or
implications, neither philosophic nor social, lending a sort of philosophic
blank slate on which to chalk his unorthodox thoughts.*" One Israel Day
expanded upon this, resulting in the creation of Club BOB(c). 

* From the Club BOB(c) FAQ.

1.2.1. Any relation to...

NO.
No relation to Bob Dobbs. No relationship to Microsoft Bob<tm> No relation
to ANY OTHER BOB. Not even the one from Sesame St.

He doesn't even have anything to do with Bob's on Irving Park and Damen 
in Chicago (a hot dog stand).

End of story.

- - - 

1.3. Where can I find this BOB(c) dude?

alt.

1.3.1. Can you be more specific?

Not by much.

1.3.1.1. Can you try?

Lemme think:
	* alt.fan.the-bob
	* alt.fan.gur-obo
	* alt.sex.fetish.the-bob
	* alt.legend.the-bob
	* alt.binaries.pictures.the-bob
	* alt.silly-group.spiffo

These are all good places to start. Mind you, it's not certain exactly how
well propagated anything other than alt.fan.the-bob is.

At least alt.fan.the-bob and alt.silly-group.spiffo were proposed in 
alt.config.

1.3.1.2. What are these groups for?

* alt.fan.the-bob: Anything pertaining to The BOB(c), Club BOB(c), or just
about anything else, for that matter.

* alt.fan.gur-obo: The same as alt.fan.the-bob, except that it's all in
ROT-13.

* alt.sex.fetish.the-bob: Wednesday talking about The BOB(c) in her clothes.

* alt.legend.the-bob: Uhhhh.....

* alt.binaries.pictures.the-bob: Uhhhh, the HappyNet<tm> gif and maybe the
ClubBOB(c) logo eventually...

* alt.silly-group.spiffo: Spiffosity! And the eventual sighting of Spiffo
on the street! 

Well, okay, maybe not that last part.

1.3.1.3. Isn't there something for Club BOB(c)?

Not yet. It's the hope of said organization's members that BOB(c)NET (the
INTERNET spinoff of Club BOB(c)) will eventually be able to make the case
for alt.org.club-bob (or conceivably alt.org.bob-net). In the meantime, we
take advantage of alt.fan.the-bob's presence and use that as a base. 

1.3.1.4. Aren't all these newsgroups in The BOB(c)'s name a little redundant?

Quite.

1.3.1.4.1. What, did he newgroup them himself or something?

Not a single one. Didn't even vote for 'em, either.
Well, not the alt.*.the-bob ones, anyway; he DID propose a.s-g.s.

1.3.1.4.2. Well, WHO DID? 

We don't know. Whoever it was is being dealt with via the Witness 
Protection Program.

1.3.2. Will Matt Schnierle kill him bloodily, or cleanly?

I am convinced that Mr. Damick is fully capable of defending himself 
in hand-to-hand combat with Mr. Schnierle.

- - - 

1.4. What's This Web Page He Keeps Talking About?

It's http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/users/a/asdamick/www/ -- BOB(c)EVERYTHING-
YOU-COULD-POSSIBLY-IMAGINE-AND-ITS-MOTHER.

- - - 

1.5. What are the correct grammatical rules for BOB(c)WORDS?

BOB(c)WORD-IN-ALL-CAPS.
Examples include:
	* BOB(c)THREADS
	* BOB(c)OBLIVION
	* BOB(c)NET

1.5.1. Aren't there two words that don't follow this schema?

Yes: Oif and Spiffo.

1.5.1.1. What are Oif and Spiffo?

Oif: the sound you make on a MOO when you're hit. More generally, it's
a pronouncement of something Bad. For example, The BOB(c) considers 
neu neu topia to be Oif.

Spiffo: Really Really Good. Really Bloody Nifty. The total opposite of
Oif. For example, Gardner Trask is Spiffo.

Spiffo, it's rumoured, is also a floor wax and a dessert topping.

Note: There is no alt.silly-group.oif.

1.5.1.1.1. Are These Words Adjectives Exclusively?

No. They can be nouns, verbs, adverbs, whatever you desire. One can Oif
somebody. One can be Oif. Spiffo even manages to transcend all known 
Things and has a life of its own. I fully expect to run into Spiffo on
the street sometime.

Oif is beginning to show signs of intelligence by appearing in random 
typos.

- - - 

1.6. Is The BOB(c) dissociative, or is that just me?

He's not. He roleplays, but he does not dissociate outside of the 
expected normal spectrum.

He's rather adamant on the fact, and has waxed eloquent at great length to
make that clear.

In his own words:

"In the space between the electrons, where the souls of the world reside, 
there am I, The BOB(c), flowing with them, flowing against them. Yet, in 
the world of the living, where mankind walks the Earth and smashes one 
another, there am I, The BOB(c), walking with them, walking on them, 
walking under them. In the world of the darkness, where the black robes 
of the masters of the worlds within the theatre blend them into their 
masterful booths of control, there am I, The BOB(c), focusing lighting, 
defocusing lighting, touching the stage and making it mine own, a part of 
being. In the end, there is only The BOB(c), standing. He is his own 
creature, something undefinable by mortal man, egocentric and humble.

"Belief is the end, and We are the end."
 
1.6.1. Gee. Sounds like he'd get along GREAT with the neu neu topians.

I do hope you're being sarcastic. He doesn't at all; in point of fact,
he has declared himself the Bane of Neu Neu Topia -- he seems to take
particular offense at the idea of multiple personality and the mallea-
bility of identity, as it flies in the face of some very dearly held
ideals concerning Self and the soul.

He is currently killfiling all neu neu topian threads and not appearing
in them.

1.6.2. Well, if he's not dissociative, what's that Inner Cactus thing?

Satire on the Inner Child.

It's best decribed without mentioning the cactus itself -- hear the words
of Nate Hill, aka The Horace:

"You should hear my friend CHUCK's theory on the monkey within.  It's
basically that everybody has some sort of monkey within themselves that 
is a direct reflection of the ID portion of their personality.  He says 
that if you look real close, you can tell what sort of monkey someone
has in them.  If you know the person relatively well, you can even see
what their monkey is up to.  Sometimes, when you go to the zoo, the 
monkeys will do things to interact with the crowd, like urinate on the
people standing by the cage."

It's like that, y'all.

1.6.2.1. What does Dr. Mellow have to say about this?

"I say kill all cacti!
Let them rot and burn in hell.
Kill them all.

But be mellow about it."

1.6.2.2. Do I have an Inner Cactus?

Yes. We all have Inner Cacti.
Even if we don't admit it.

1.6.2.2.1. How Should I Care For My Inner Cactus?

Advice of The BOB(c):

	Reading your email six times in a row
	Reading alt.fan.the-bob 5 times in a row
	Drinking milk
	Hopping on one foot and saying, "Nissan, Nissan, Datsun."
	Counting to 5 from 3.1415926 by counts of .0000001
	MOOing with Eldaran 
	Buying large quantities of shoelaces
	Shouting "AHH GIDDY BAH GIDDY BAH" while standing in the street

	If you discover more means of feeding your inner cactus, 
	please let all of us at alt.fan.the-bob know. It would be 
	very meaningful.

1.6.2.3. Where Can I Find More Information On The Inner Cactus?

This should soon be available on BOB(c)WEB (URL as above).
Also, Wednesday has a copy of the Inner Cactus Archive that she plans on 
including in occasional posts to alt.abuse.transcendence.

The archive has appeared on alt.fan.the-bob.

- - - 

1.7. And this groundhog conspiracy. What's up with that?

Well, it's been SAID that 95% of 'Net users have groundhogs within them
that are going to breed, escape, invade the newbies, and just keep 
breeding and taking over the 'Net... and that they were given the final
order to break free in alt.fan.gur-obo (encoded in ROT-13, of course)
recently ... and that the Inner Parakeets have no hope.... but well,
you know conspiracy theories and .... ow, my stomach.... oh, no,
not *again*....!

	........"hello my baby, hello my darlin', hello my ragtime gal..."

	...........................................check, please.

 
---CUT HERE---
#!/usr/local/bin/perl
#
# rando-sig <sigsourcefile> <sigfile>
#	Changes <sigfile> to a random .signature from the file
#	<sigsourcefile> containing several possible .signature's.
#
# by Steve Lane and Andy Damick; all rights reserved.
# last updated: 6-5-95.
#
# NOTES:
#	Run in the background.  Kill before logout.
#	Watch out for sysadmins; I dunno if having continual
#	processes like this are something they like.
#
#	Format of <sigsourcefile>
#
# #
# What you want at the top of *all* your sigs
# (I decided this might be a good idea; I want
# to have my name, email and url addresses in all my .sigs)
# #
# Now this is the first .sig.
# It will be added right below the above part.
# @
# This is the second one.
# @
# And
# 	this
# 		is		
#			the
#				third
#					one.
# @
# ****************
# *  4th one!!!  *
# ****************
# @
#
# TO-DO: bug-check, then optimize and prettify.
#
# CUSTOMIZATION

$delay = 100000;		# this is how often rando-sig changes
			# your .sig.  A value of 100000 = 10 seconds?

# END CUSTOMIZATION

# START rando-sig

# load in $allsigfile.
$allsigfile = $ARGV[0];
open(ALLSIGS,${allsigfile});  @allsigs = <ALLSIGS>  close(ALLSIGS);

# print "The whole file is \n @allsigs \n";

# grab $permsig, which is at the top of all your .sig's.
if ($allsigs[0] eq "\#\n")  { 
	shift @allsigs; } 
else { 
	die "$allsigfile is inproperly formatted.\n"; }
$permsig = '';
while ($allsigs[0] ne "\#\n") { 
	$permsig .= $allsigs[0];
	shift @allsigs;
}

shift @allsigs;		# get rid of the 1st '@'.  A kludge.

# now load in the variable parts of the .sig
@sig = ();
$current_sig = '';
while (@allsigs) {
	if ($allsigs[0] eq "\@\n") {
		push (@sig, $current_sig);
		$current_sig = '';
		shift @allsigs;
		next;
	}
	$current_sig .= $allsigs[0];
	shift (@allsigs);
}

# Finally, randomly change the <sigfile>
$sigfile = $ARGV[1];
srand;

while (1) {
	for ($i = 0; $i < $delay; $i++)  {$a=$i;}	# the delay loop
	$newsig = $sig[rand(@sig)];
	open (SIG, ">sigfile");
	print SIG $permsig . $newsig;
	close (SIG);
}
---CUT HERE---



The BOB(c)
-- 
The USENET Subplot  "The BOB(c) is a sort of King of Infinite Space,
yet he's Bounded by a Nutshell known as USENET."  --  Louis Nick III
http://www4.ncsu.edu/unity/users/a/asdamick/www/     alt.fan.the-bob
C a f e  B O B ( c )  - -  e s p r e s s o  w i t h  a t t i t u d e