*TOP 23 THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN IN STAR TREK*

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has
encountered several times before.

2. The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of scientists, who
are all perfectly all right.

3. The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
where everyone is happy all the time.  However, everything is soon revealed
to be exactly as it seems.

4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.

5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
which the cure is found in the well-stocked sickbay.

6. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the
Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the
right leads.

7. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.

8. A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute the user of a computer
panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection feature
called a 'fuse'.

9. The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without
serious incident.

10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which
does not put them on trial.

11. The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.

12. The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange and dangerous
situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

13. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which
they easily pacify by offering it some sweets.

14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is
in some way unconnected with the 20th century.

15. Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.

16. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
everyone's satisfaction.

17. The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.

18. The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny day.

19. An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered
without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent
a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."

20. A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a
single malfunction trapping him/her there.

21. Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."

22. Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so!"

23. Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."

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Zeigen's Source: Sorry, don't remember.  Probably USENET.
Author: unknown.