What if people bought cars like they buy computers?
General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know how to
drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers, but imagine if
they did...
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"
Help Line: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
Customer: "What's an ignition?"
Help Line: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and
turns over the engine."
Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all these technical terms just to use my car?"
HelpLine: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?"
Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
power brakes, and power door locks."
Help Line: "Thanks for buying our car. How may I help you?"
Customer: "How do I work it?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "Do I know how to what?"
Help Line: "Do you know how to drive?"
Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places
in my car!"
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?"
Customer: "Your cars suck."
Help Line: "What's wrong?"
Customer: "Mine crashed, that's what's wrong."
Help line: "What were you doing?"
Customer: "I wanted it to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator
pedal all
the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed and it
won't start now!"
Help Line: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
Customer: "I want you to send me the latest version that doesn't
crash any more!
Help Line: "General Motors Help Line, how may I help you?
Customer: "My car ran for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
Help Line: "Is the gas tank empty?"
Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"
Help Line: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle and
markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"
Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"
Help Line: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and
purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the
vendor to install it for you."
Customer: "What? I paid $22,000 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"
Zeigen's Source:
Submitted for the archive on 7/31/95 by
Xian.
Author:
I'd shake his or her hand if I knew.
Zeigen's Dilemma
